Again and again

I stick my face in, only to find that flames still singe.
Again and again, the whithering of my heart grows thin,
to the point where I loose all senses of what it is to be human.
Not this digital joke of texts and lies behind colons followed by
a closing parentheses.
Emotionless. Disconnection. Growing distance.
The inhumane treaties, the vampiric kisses, all worthless when
it comes to an end.
We'll ignore one another when we share space some place, it happens,
again and again.
The world speaks in foreign rasps when alone,
trapped in thoughts long gone.
Again, again.

published work

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dire faith

It happens without fail, everytime, ruthless and unable to cross that barrier. My heart on a tiny saucer, waiting for her to eat it as my time is very limited on this place. Yet they all refuse the offering, time and time again, left alone, standing under the bruised moon, separated from all the stars, dispersed amongst the flailing winds. I feel like a speck of pollen fallen to the infertile ground, smashed into the Earth by careless by-standard-passers by. Ruined.
Clouded skies, no longer clear to me, my heart told me before it ever came, that fragile ache. So I smoke the smog of ages unknown only to chance that degradation which has lost all beauty, to enjoy my life as I see fit. My honest breath is so often taken as the song of the blues, my actions and motions as timid lack of aggression, but I know not how to force regret upon others. Her voice sends a certain thrill but know the reach only goes so far to penetrate a place I'd once resided, and can no longer call that place home. Yet I know I'm not the only one, and that makes me feel more lonely than ever.
Each spanning a different path, criss-crossing along infinity. Though there is definitely something about us, and I'll always remember that last time our lips met, outside, by that gate, my swollen face and eyes colored like the pinot grapes of Napa.

I navigate the endless night seas by your star-bright beacon,
compass to my directionless voyage
across the crashing waves of society's
storm.
Dehydrated essence, shipwrecked,
morning-star magnetism so complex,
the eyes of hope spring forth geysers,
rush towards the sun.
And finally, clarity.
I'm here. You're here. We've always been here.
Together.

THROUGH the chapel perilous and to the light

I hide my sorrows in all I've ever known, I embrace the death that I've lived through on this planetary orbit. I've watched my friends give up without a fight, the fight I know they still embodied, yet this atrocious parlay we exist in, this horrid world we fill, became defeat. Snorting the dust of our dead brothers & sisters till our lungs give out and cherish love no more. Devoid. Vapid. A walking, barren sparse of land called the mind. Alone and distanced all at once, I find no home amongst the treacherous map of the solidified confines of the mind. I speak nothing new and therefore fall upon the silence of my own fading breath. There is no going back, there is no 'there'. Forever confounded by this sickened slick of excrement, this light is shinning bright for only the coming of a new nowhere. Lost sensibility, ruptured hope springs leaks all about me. I know not where I'm going nor where I've ever been. Lost amongst the endless sky. I am forever floating. You may hear my cries when the rain glistens lights after a storm, but be certain that there's not a single drop of dying hope. forever immersed in this cloud of waste, please take heed at what I've created out of haste: a whimpering knot of endless pain. I've felt the tears on my shoulders for ages unwritten, these freckles and moles, mere records of an age immemorial. Remembering why I came & left with each glance at all that's never left. A barren expanse of a golden age, no longer present, but wrought with rage. This is the final hurrah of a dying man, with colorless sight & numbed hands. Reaching out in any direction for a slight reciprocation, they entertain the fool with lost words & plastic smiles. Gone. Gone too far. Far too long. No shrug in sight to lift this weight I see with every move I make. To dissipate into the smallest of dots, a single point forgotten & lost. This is what I wish to be in my brightest hour, a single star in the endless matter. Come forth and throw my face to the concrete so I may possibly feel again and cease to feel unworthy. Do away with me, these allegories. I fade to musk at the dawn's entrance and wish this story upon not a body. Nothing at all seems real anymore, I've lost the will & can't sing the score. Forget me so, this empty identity. Forgive me Mother, for you taught me better.

In a fey state of mind

Perusing the burrows of spatial existence. Awakened the twisting helix with a gracious touch from light, sound, vibrations: information. Struck by the star-burst pattern, the morning came as night set in. Tracing the grout holding it all together, each corner speaks facade and shows me the fourth (forth) dimension, clear-connection, no static, devoid of pitch and full of fractal tones. Flowing with the body, climbing the ladders tilted at diagonal angles, reaching into a new sort of heaven, a present paradise.

Fleeting images speak specks of glittered memories. Remembering, for it's all been here forever.

Sharing what can't be undone, releasing the orgasmic sensation freedom brings: accepting the spectrum of being entirely. A perspective arises from a sliver between meeting points. Interacting continuously, a fey whisper of voiceless speech wanders inside the very rhythm of your heart, affecting the entirety. Shivers of light connect all dimensionality to this closed-eyed-vision of our place with infinity. Laughter causes the air to rumble and infects all of our chests, filling them with bright steam of sweet scents, allowing a shared sense of relativity. The heart awakens again.

waking up

we've all fallen and this will be the hardest time to get back up. an extreme spike in information has washed over this vessel and overwhelmed the senses for a while. carpe diem is but a momentary hurrah for the cheerleaders in the blind squadron. But no matter how many blindfolds and masks are removed, there still seems to be this question-less, haunting spectre that lurks beneath, bellow new cellular development and other healing energies. everyday was once a bright reminder that it all could be done, and lately nothing but neglect has arisen as the new sun that shines life upon things. Am I peddling (pedaling) backwards? Where does my scattered heart find silence? Lost beyond the frontier, the sunset can't bend beyond the horizon to reach where I now live. Iridescent thoughts only lead to more schemes of forgotten shades, dreams sing an entirely new cavalcade of words from a forgotten time. It's all wound up and tied into a bun atop the head of the sinking ship's captain, nestled underneath his staunch white top hat. reliance upon the whims of the night's air bring nothing but the silent hymn of forgotten friendships and lackluster love. I've come this far without an honest speck of knowing despite all the flimsy beds i've made, and yet, i'm still relatively safe, cozy amongst what I've lost and gained all at once, for it's all at once. Never there or here but always alive and caught in the shadow of dried blood.

Anthropological studies conducted in the mall: dwellers and their habits

So after last night's adventure, I woke up and finished that post, had a few, and then went out to meet up my homies Tachi and Conrad. They were DJing an in-store for the adidas store. This is the mall's idea of an "in-store"

Japanese canned coffe: fission bombs on roids (up there with viet coffee even though this one had no caffine)

busted out the creep cam. Like a true conductor of a study, one must be discrete in order to capture and study the habits of the mall dwellers in their natural habitat: utterly stupefied.

In a hurry

In a daze

In a rage

I don't think he liked the 'ethnic music'

InTense (yeah, she's pregnant, at least it seemed so)

In...bad taste
This lady must have been in her 50s and in some little ass cutchie shorts like that...not classy at all.

Wait...they sell beer at the mall now?!?

Went out for a cig. like Rockwell said, "why does it feel like, somebody's watchin me?" cuz they probably are.

Kev decided to stop by to spin some vinyl he just grabbed at the meet of swapping

Even the kids get down when he hits the decks

Pictures of...pictures


maxin, relaxin

some characters

Eastern Europeans can't resist a good bass line and a beat


"You don't like-a de Untz-a-Untz-a?"


Went for Ramen after wards at mitsuwa


Where we came across this odd meeting of what seemed to be strangers...things looked a bit cultish off in their little corner


This lady was in this wild outfit that looked like it snuck out of my mom's closet back in 87, those bright purples and pinks and reds. Her hair was honestly, scarily impeccable, like Jane Jetson but blonde...with a blank cartoon stare (no blinks) to match. The crowd seemed to follow her like some guru


That's herd mentality for ya...

Just to prove how bright the herd can be, my friend needed some cigs from the 7-eleven and as I stood waiting outside, two of them walked past me...

The lady was happily commenting on how much she loves to have a job that allows her to travel..."I worked in Antartica, twice before..." The Indian (yes, India Indian) turned to her with a rather funny look and asked her, "Where???" She replied, "Antartica...ya know? The bottom of the world." If those are the perks of the cult, count me out.

All in all, I'd have to say that mall dwellers are rather interesting and particular, some are happy, some are sad, some greedy, some just glad to be there and alive. Enjoy your days off herd-folk, you need em to do more of nothing next week.

oh yeah...and the dreams drawn...
from this

to this (while listening to the homies play tunes in the middle of the damn mall, birthed on that bench)


enjoy the night y'all!

It's a funny thing, the things we get into...

Indeed. This screen, radiant light source, fake facade, angular and twisted in an odd sense. Stretched out, towards me? perhaps, but that time has passed, that which was soaked, drenched in ego and blind names: words (sounds, vibrations) misguided. And time as well! Oh the sorrow which we've given that endless sensation, that which carries the very source of motion. Current. Soaring through a light oblivion which migrates all hollowed drowning seams, that which seems to be lost, yes, in each of us.

Who's to know anywise. Things shine and shingles fall: that bind the sensational heart, oh that magestry which knows the soars of the windless whispers between silences.

I'll leave this here for now...

(24 mins later)

After most all the lights are shut off, there's a new breath to the enclosure, apartment rather. There's a fine variety of art work my friend has collected, some lit in a certain way, intentional? who knows.



Either way, some of it is down right awe inspiring...haha under these conditions at least. Who likes to leave a paper trail anyhow?

Girly kept starin at me no matter which perspective I was at


An array of things sit on the table in front of me, some speaking amongst each other. Now I just tuned into that world for a slight eternity...but it must go on! the transformation must still persist! Origami hit my mind, was forgotten (or rather left behind in that realm of consciousness during the brief infinitum), and then came back with a soiree of colors. Odd how words form sounds in the mind and then reacquaint themselves with another spelling: the correct as some would claim. La-Di-Daaa!h!

Here's Jesus relaxin with me, he's a bit out of focus but my hand just didn't stay steady. With the rest of the visual world waving and weaving, it just wasn't happenin


also...

The latest in faux home protection!


VICIOUS!

Suddenly the bright (BRIGHT!) idea strikes me, some music would be lovely. Luckily I'm in a DJ's home so there are some proper ear phones. Encapsulating my entire head, mind, entity.

Eyes closed, captured in real time, give me a second and i'll give it a try, an attempt...:

fingers touch all day long, whimsical spores of endless informiations covered in goldenpink words where even the solid bends to mountains, pyramids in the morn, morning tilt of smiles, wrapped in every single spatial matter, ....the twilring pa tt er n, song change.

pirate clowns befooled into a day long galant adventure towards the hidden seizure of joy, ectasy in the wild winds where blending notions know no better than to believe in the whims.

spotted specked open, no cordial dear light to watch but the sun is coming and some things never really last as the sounds pass. bleeding the fool's patience and sanity in believeing in hope.

And here's the view from my homeboy Japson's pad at a bit after 6am


Upon waking up, there's a horribly caught, perhaps stuck is a better word to use in this case, clot of phlegm that's between my throat and nose and hinders all swallowing by casting an odd sensation, a thick, gunky one. I suppose I'll end this tiny venture for a bit.

eyes cutting through disco lasers...

Hungry Eyes

There seems to be quite a lot of staring going on in the silence/intense, thumping noise of clubs and bars from NY to LA. One of the most obvious and revealing looks during those inaudible hours where a conversation is lost to the scream of basses and beats, is 'the hungry eyes'. This is seriously a new language forming here, especially for those of us too shy to ever try (shit, I'll be honest, this includes myself) a damn thing and instead, end up cursing yourself the entire cab ride home. There are a multitude of variations to the hungry eyes that have been witnessed, some familiar, some as shocking as the plus symbol on a pregnancy test found in your daughter's trash can. There's the usual and most innocent, kind, gentle, inviting set of eyes, saying, "come over and say hi". Things get a bit sultry with the obviously beckoning pair of hungry eyes that nearly sing to you a sweet siren's song. And sometimes things get rough, a tad desperate, even straight up delirious, and out comes 'the starving eyes,' or yet, the 'i wanna inhale and engulf you' eyes. The latter being the most obvious and even slightly scary or frightening, depending on the peepers they're shot from. Just tonight in fact, this him/shim/she/herm in the most unflattering, mod, grey and black stripped dress (open back to portray her aging folds), was giving my friend the 'i'm homeless and hungry' starving eyes.

An entire spectrum exists in the realm of the hungry eyes. There can be the "ooo la la!" reaction from the firey eyes of a beautiful bird, and then there can be the "oooooh hell naw!" intrusive and annoying stare some creep can send your way. Like life, you gotta take the bad with the good. Just make sure you know what kinda hungry eyes you're displaying and to whom it may concern. No one wants to fall into the deep abyss of the unwanted hungry eyes.

Back to tonight.

Sitting against the wall on this oversized wooden bench, watching the youngins with fake IDs dance and wiggle their bodies to shitty tunes (YES! NY does NOT play good music at most venues!), when out of the crowd worms this TANKED chick and her bridge and tunnel boyfriend nearly holding her up. She sits down and is remarkably able to take her camera out of her purse. This classy lady had a different set of hungry eyes, we'll dub these the creepy leprechaun eyes, like that lil dude from the leprechaun movies, glazed with a tint of evil intent lurking behind the glassy stare. She begins to snap photos, she nearly takes one of herself first hardly taking notice that the camera lens is actually facing her own mug. Those leprechaun eyes were up to no good when I found them staring. Next thing ya know, she tries to be a drunken-sneaky, gold-hording imp and creep from behind her boyfriend to snap a photo of my friend and I who are simply sitting, awaiting the hopes of a good track to listen to at this random party. I turn my entire body to block this, you'd think such body language would be enough. Not for this broad. She seats herself next to me, basically shoving her body against mine, and begins to slur some inaudible blah blah to me while holding the camera towards us as if saying "hey, get in the picture!" I give her the 'is you crazy???' look and kindly tell her no thanks. Them eyes light up with a severe confusion, still hungry for some crumb and determined to get a bite. I turn again to talk to my friend, telling him about this nutty creature when suddenly a flash explodes from behind my head and I see my friend saying, "you can't just do that." Apparently, she did a shark move and slowly snuck up to the surface (around my head) to grab a mouthful. Hungry trick. She tries again and again to take pictures with us and as kindly as humanly possible, we ask her not to take pictures of us. Insatiable hunger overwhelms her and she starts to slur some more sludge from her mouth till we flee and have a cigarette out front.

Ladies, point of advice: don't get too drunk and send this last type of hungry eyes. They aren't flattering AT ALL, for anyone, after a point in the night.

What ever happened to taking it slow or just getting to know someone before rushing into the raging fires of hell? or is that just the old fashioned prune in me?

p.s. know your dealer